So today...

Is my birthday. I actually sort of forgot was it until my dad called me to remind me. There will be no birthday rant like last year. For one, I am in a good mood today. There was not a dude sleeping in my room when I work up today, unlike yesterday. And its fucking 90 degrees today, which means chicks are finally shredding there winter clothes and getting their sexy on.

But the most important reason why I am not ranting on my birthday is because I do not want to feed the trolls again. Back in December I was at a bar. A bar I didn't even want to be at because I was so fucked up already I didn't even want to go out. But my friend talked me into it.

So at this bar there was a chick there that I "know". But I was so fucked up and the bar was so dark I didn't even realize she was there. I'm doing my thing, hanging out. As the night is winding down the bar is getting ready to close and they start turning on some lights. At that point I notice my lady friend, and she was crying. I guess she just got dumped and seeing me without me stepping up and saying hi was not the best thing for her. So I tried to be nice to her at the time, but she had a cunt friend with her.


This cunt friend was probably the drunkest person in the bar. At the time I saw my friend and her cunt friend. I was already engaged in a deep discussion with two hotties about Proust, Balzac, Kafka, and other great novelist. When all of a sudden the cunt friend tries to run a cock block.

Look I have been in many cock fights. Some I lose. But I have never had a chick try and cock block me before. So this was something new for me. The cunt cock blocking strategy was to attack my blog. I had no idea that cunt's even read theLucky, but more power to them. This cunt kept bringing up about what I wrote on my birthday last year. As if this was attempt to hurt my feelings. Look cunt, that shit happened over ten years ago, get some other dirt on me.

After realizing this attack was futile, and I was still talking to the two hotties. The cunt changed her strategy and went after the hotts, to inform them what a douchebag I am.

See awhile back in my blog I posted some quotes from crying girl. She was upset that I posted such sensitive material, so I deleted it. If you only read the first paragraph of what I wrote that day it looked like I was being a jerk and kicking a chick when she was down. And this was the angle the cunt was taking. But if anyone read the whole thing on what I wrote that day, I went into great detail on why I am, what I am today.

So the cunt tried telling my hotts that I will write about them in my blog. At this point I started getting mad. The bar was finally closing and it continued into the street. At some point I just turned and walked away.

But Fuck you cunt! You tried so hard to embarrass me that night, and you failed. My whole life is a embarrassment, so I got a chuckle out of you. And your futile attempts to cock block me failed too. I got the hot chick that I was talking to digits that night too. (with a little help) But you were right about one thing. I am a douche, because I never called her.

Now that I have that off my chest I am going to have a great fucking birthday!

EDIT NOTE: The picture at the top has nothing to do with my birthday, it just makes me laugh every time I see it.

Am I too old to go to Octoberfest?

The answer is no. A guy in the (very) low thirties is not too old for Octoberfest. I really didn't think anything about this, but apparently I am finding out that people think that this is only for college kids, or kids out of college. Well screw you for the people that think that.

Its beer, lots of it. Bratwursts, lots of them. Music, all different kinds. I'm kinda in to the polka stuff. And random stuff, like keg bowling and eating competitions. So when did this only become for people in their 20s?The most important thing is that this event brings out the hot chicks. No where is Boston can you get such a collection of hot chicks at one event.

I feel bad for hot chicks sometimes. Actually not only hot chicks, but any girl that's not shaped liked a iceberg. I started to notice this at the bar on Friday night, and they in was amplified at Octoberfest. There are some guys out there that will hit on anything that moves.

These aren't your typical douchebags, with layers of product in their hair which makes their head look like lawn spikes. Wearing a shirt 2x to small so it can show off their roided muscles. These are not these types of guys.

These are your average Joe's. Normal looking guys that don't work out, don't eat well, and don't properly groom themselves. There tactic is to just throw game at every girl that walks into their perimeter. Strictly a numbers game. If they throw enough shit at the wall, something will bound to stick.These douchebags disgust me. You can be in line waiting to go to the bathroom and these guys are just throwing the kitchen sink at girls. What's your name, I work at a bank, where are you going afterwards, your really pretty, want me to wait for you after you come out, etc etc etc.

I feel so bad for the girls when I see this happen. I just want to grab the guy by the collar and start shaking him and scream at him, "DO YOU KNOW HOW STUPID YOU SOUND"? Then point out that they have dried mustard on the side of there mouth.

At Octoberfest I termed this tactic douchekrieg. Its nothing more than a straight assault of unwanted douche.
Usually guys work in pairs for this tactic, and will try and isolate one girl from the rest of her friends. It can be a complete buzz kill for me when I see this going on. I am just so glad that I am not a girl.

Guido beach update

Its come to my attention that the video that I posted a week ago about the guido beach has disappeared. No worries. Its right here.



Also in my daily search of the world wide web I found a picture of the bouncer from the video. This is the guy who doesn't know what a pet peeve is, and wants to sprout kids that grow up to be bouncers.

HCwDB

Morning Douche

So after a weekend of pounding a lot of beers, I am not ready for Monday. And to make things worse. I see this video. I have no idea whats going on it, but it has completely ruined the rest of my day.



HCwDB

Breaking Sox news: Did Varitek bang Heidi Watney?

So my roommate who works for the Red Sox says that biggest news going around fenway is that Jason Varitek blew up side line reporter Heidi Watney. Supposedly this wasn't a one time thing either. I guess Variteks wife knows about it, and has took the kids and moved out. Could this be why Varitek is struggling at the plate so much this year? Hell no. Heidi is a fucking 10. I'm pretty sure her pussy can weave straw into gold.

In a way I feel bad for Varitek's wife. She never had a chance.

Is this the greatest thing on the internet?

I thought I was done for the week, until I saw this on barstoolsports. Is it possible to kick New Jersey out of the US? Make it its own country or something.

Am I a douchebag?

This is a internal battle that I struggle with a lot. There is nothing I hate more than douchebags. They are worse than criminals, people who like America Idol, the US government, and the NY Yankees. But most NY Yankees fans are douchebags so it works out well. Why do I hate them so much? Because they deprive America of its greatest resource. Hot Chicks.

I think I may have some douche traits, which puts me on the fence or not if I am becoming one. I put product in my hair. Not the kind you buy in the supermarket, but the kind you only find in salons. I look good without a shirt on, so if a opportunity pops up. I lose the shirt. I tend to dance with chicks. I can't not stress this enough, only with chicks. And I tend to find myself drawn to really hot and crazy chicks.

Is this all bad? I am not sure? I do think I have enough goofiness still left inside me to fight through this. Sort-of like being bite by a ware wolf. I am not howling at the moon yet, but noticing hair is growing where it shouldn't.

Fortunately I found this list of 69 ways to tell if your a douchebag. And I think I can safely say that I am not a douchebag. Some may disagree. But here are some of my favorites from the list.

• 2.) You Refuse To Wear T-Shirts Since They Are "Un-Collar-Poppable"
• 9.) You Think Dane Cook Is God
• 12.) You Order Salad As An Entree
• 14.) You Start Fights Over The Best Brand Of Whey Protein
• 19.) You Mooch Off Your Parents And Still Treat Them Like Crap
• 22.) You Prominently Display Condoms In Your Room
• 26.) You Refer To Your Myspace Page As "Pimped Out"
• 31.) You've Ever Worn Just A Wife Beater Anywhere
• 34.) You've Ever Complimented Another Guy On How Ripped His "Pecs Look"
• 36.) You've Ever Purchased Pre-Ripped Jeans Solely Because You Love The Pre-Ripped Look
• 40.) You've Ever Taken A Picture Of Yourself Shirtless For The Purpose Of Distributing It On The Internet (my favorite one)
• 50.) You Check Out Your "Guns" In The Reflection Of Parked Car Windows
• 51.) The Name Of Your Car Is Pasted Across The Windshield
• 59.) You Have Pictures Of Muscular Guys In Your Room And Justify It By Saying, "Yo dude, it's just for motivation, bro," And No One Questions You Because You're Being Completely Honest
• 68.) You Always Do The Hand-Shake-Hug Even With People Who You Probably Shouldn't

After reading this list I think my roommate displays many of these qualities.

Is AC Slater cool?

Tough call. Sometimes he looks like a total douche. Like in this picture taken of him driving a wiener mobile.


Or other times he looks like someone I can hang out with, like in the picture of him making fun of drunk homeless people. (and what is that kryptonite drink they are drinking?)


Don Chavez w/ the pic

In Douche related news Sienna Miller dumps her douchebag

Another perfect example of whats wrong in the world. Sienna can have any guy she wants, and who does she dates, but a douche. At least it is reported today that she dumped this douche. I think I may stop showering, going to the dentist, working out, shaving, and pretty much do anything that relates to hygiene, in order for me to find a hottie.

I am thinking I should live on the Boston Common for about a month and then I should be ready.

Remote uncontacted tribe spotted for the first time in Brazil, umm or wait, or is it in New Jersey

ONE of the world’s last ‘uncontacted Indian’ tribes has been photographed from the air near the Brazil-Peru border.

The photos were taken by global organisation Survival International, over one of the remotest parts of the Amazon rainforest in Brazil’s Acre state.

Survival’s director Stephen Corry said: "These pictures are further evidence that uncontacted tribes really do exist.

"The world needs to wake up to this, and ensure that their territory is protected in accordance with international law. Otherwise, they will soon be made extinct."

There are more than 100 uncontacted tribes worldwide, with more than half living in either Brazil or Peru.

So I first saw this story on the news this morning, and for the last few hours I couldn't get it out of my head that I have seen members of this tribe before. Hmmm... but where. Then in the crapper it hit. These are the douche bags oompa loompa's from New Jersey. Now the only photos from this tribe are aerial shots, so its tough to tell if they have a greasy product in their hair, but the orange skin color is uncanny similar. You be the judge. I am also wondering if the helicopter dropped a empty coke bottle on them.

Picture of the day: You deserve this edition

Natalie Portman you are dating a douche. I never can understand why hot chicks are so attracted to douche bags. That is why my favorite web site in the the world is hotchickswithdouchebags.com.

But in the long run if you continuously date a douche your pets will turn on you. As visible in this picture. It is some sixth sense that they have. So go ahead Natalie enjoy your hot steamy relationship with a Muppet, and enjoy the added dry cleaning costs.