- My roommate's camera batteries died, so instead of putting new batteries in it he went Neanderthal with it. He thought smashing it on the table would get it to work. But no. Its obvious that when smashing doesn't work, then the only way to fix is to submerge it in a glass of water. Charlanderthal later lost his shoes that night. Yes, he lost his shoes. Reports later had him discovering fire and making tools.
- My other friend pulled his dick out and placed it on the table. Twice. In the middle of the reception. I guess he thought it went well with the mashed potatoes.
- Catch phrases for the wedding was, "cunt goalie" and "default on her face". We tried to work these phrases into most topics.
- The grooms older brother thought it was a good idea to capture the mood of his brother's wedding night by having all of us crash into his brothers room, after we emptied out of the bars. Instead of getting it on, they had to deal with our drunk asses. There was rose petals on the bed and all over the floor. I felt totally out of place. We smashed some beers in there, and then pocketed a bunch. Charlanderthal ended up passing our in their bed. And managed to get rose petals shoved up his nose.
- My friend Slush has a inexplicable extreme hatred for cab drivers. And should seek counseling.
So the hot chick was hot. Defiantly too hot for me. But I said fuck it I'll go for it. After talking a lot of pre-game smack I knew I had to give it a shot.
At dinner a little a bit of doubt was going through my mind.
- Had a table of people that was dying to see me fail.
- Just realized that I have hooked up with two people sitting at her table. But nothing too serious, just like second base or something. Wasn't too worried.
- Realized that one of the people I hooked up with was her friend that she came with. And didn't even recognize her. But that's not really my fault, she changed her hair color and totally got hotter. I am a simple male, such drastic changes confuses me.
- I knew at some point I would have to explain why people call me Lucky. Which has nothing to do with me being lucky with ladies. It actually has to deal with me being very unlucky in a lot of things. Chicks being one of them. But still every time I explain this, I am not sure people really believe me.
- And Charlanderthal was already blacking out.
So after dinner I was planning throwing what ever I got out on the table. As in my game, not like my friend that put his junk on the table.
However, out of no where this douchebag wearing a tight v-neck t-shirt shows up. What the fuck was he doing at the wedding? He came out of no where, like poof, out of thin air. I decided to name him Douchie McDouche. And just like flys on shit, he went straight to my hot chick. I found out the next day that this guy was a friends friend or something, and also has a girlfriend.
So this guy was all over this chick. I held my ground, showed patience. I finally saw a douche free moment, so I went in. I was going to finishing up this wedding strong. I have no idea what I was saying but it was working. Douchie McDouche tried to butt in a few times, but he kept coming up empty.