Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Big Papi likes to keep porn around

How long is too long to keep old porn around? I was just debating that in my head. I have some porn that I haven't watched in years, but yet I still have it for some reason. It is like we think of porn like treasury bonds, that somehow the longer you hold on to them the more value they have. But this is not the case, I think I will throw away my old pornos when I go home today.

Which brings me to my point. So my Red Sox insider was telling me about the improvements at Fenway this year. I guess the big construction project this off season is adding a foot and a half more space in the underneath console. Whoop dee doo! But the person also mentioned to me that in David Ortiz's locker there is just a stack of porn videos. Most are unlabeled but the others are all long the lines of Big Black Butts. Obviously Big Papi has no shame in just leaving this stuff in his locker over winter, but how often does this shit gets watched during the season? Does him and other Red Sox just sit around prior to games and have a circle jerk? I don't know? But for some reason I can just picture Dice-K in the back ground of all this with just a stupid smile on his face. Personally I think porn only have a lifespan of about 3 watches, and then they just take up space. Maybe this is where Big Papi stores his old stash when he doesn't want his wife to see them. But anyways, I thought this was weird.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Jesus is obviously from outer space

Pravda---Russian scientists noticed the image of Jesus Christ on the meteorite which fell down on the Earth about 100 years ago. The image is identical to the one that appears on the Shroud of Turin. The meteorite cracked into two as it rammed into the planet in the Far East of Russia. The image of Jesus Christ’s face can be seen on the split. The meteorite was dubbed Boguslavka, after the village where it had been found. The face of Jesus Christ on the meteorite is just the same as on the Shroud of Turin, the linen cloth bearing the image of a man who appears to have been physically traumatized in a manner consistent with crucifixion. It is kept in the royal chapel of the Cathedral of Saint John the Baptist in Turin, Italy. It is believed by many to be the cloth placed on Jesus of Nazareth at the time of his burial.

The best thing about nut jobs seeing Jesus in guitars, french toast, windows, or pretty much any where else is that nobody has any idea what Jesus ever looked like! Jesus could have been metrosexual for all we know. But now its the Russians turn to look like idiots. They were probably drunk when they concluded that this rock looked like Jesus, because when is it that a Russian person isn't drunk? Doesn't happen.

Failure links of the day

Its Monday, so how about some fail.

  • Hospital shuts off electricity for Earth Hour, 15 people on life support die because of it. BBSpot
  • First rule of spear fishing, don't shoot buddy in head. BreitBart
  • That puddle in the road is not a puddle, but a 12ft deep hole. Telegraph
  • PETA killed 95% of its animal that it cared for last year. Consumer Freedom
  • When counterfeiting money, you may want to have the correct President on the bills. Fox News
  • When spraying graffiti on the highway, you should wait until there are no cars on the road. CBS
  • Unfit man dies playing Wii Fit. The Sun
  • Calling 911 to report that your roommate is drinking your beer. Tampa Bay online

ShamWow guy arrested for fighting with a hooker

MARCH 27--Meet Vince Shlomi. He's probably better known to you as the ShamWow Guy, the ubiquitous television pitchman who has been phenomenally successful peddling absorbent towels and food choppers. Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room. According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face (she is pictured here in mug shots snapped following busts in 2008 and 2005). After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. "Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons," police reported. In a brief telephone interview, Harris declined to answer TSG questions about her run-in with Shlomi, though she did say she is considering a lawsuit against the pitchman. Asked if she worked as a hooker, Harris declined comment. As seen in the below mug shot, Shlomi was also injured during the fracas and, court records show, was treated at Mount Sinai Medical Center.

Via TheSmokingGun

Has it really come to this ShamWow guy? I'm really disappointed in you. For a while I always stuck up for you, I defended your products over your arch nemesis Billy Mays products many of times. I thought your products were always better than his, and your pitch was always more clever and creative. But you threw it all way once you start laying the smack down on prostitutes. So I'm done with you and your products. I hopping on the Billy Mays bandwagon now. theLucky will now be endorsing all of Billy Mays products.

Such As:

Billy Mays Blue Balls

Billy Mays Mighty Puddy

Billy Mays Kaboom

Billy Mays Orange Dub

Billy Mays Never Scrub

And the ultimate slap in the face to the ShamWow, Billy Mays Zorbee. Which is good because I always need to clean up a lot of jizz stains.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

So a bobcat walks into a bar

Bobcat walks into Ariz. bar, attacks patrons

Boston Herald A bobcat has attacked three people in the central Arizona community of Cottonwood, including two men who were bitten by the animal after it wandered inside a bar.

Officers called to the Chapparal Bar arrived to find the bobcat in the parking lot, where they shot and killed it.

Tests were ordered to determine if the animal was rabid. It wasn’t clear how seriously the victims had been wounded.

Cottonwood police say the animal attacked Monday when it scratched a woman who thought she had hit it with her car. Then police got a report of a bobcat acting aggressively toward a woman outside a Pizza Hut.

This sounds like a bad joke. Just like the bad joke about when a horse walks into a bar. Usually when a cougar walks into a bar it's a good thing. Specially if you end up with scratch marks on you by the end of the night. But seriously what was this cat thinking? It was hit by a car and wanted pay back, I can see that. But the first rule of bar fighting is wait for the person to exit the bar before you start shit. If you don't wait its going to get broken up before it really gets going. Or in this case, you get shot by the police.


This picture comes via from Goerge Noory site. This was submitted by one of his listeners. Pictures like this are just to hard to believe, even for me. Looks like Star Trek.

Here are the comments attached to the picture.

The photo was taken in Hawaii, on the island of Oahu in the town of Haleiwa. The date was sometime in January 1997…I am a long time professional photographer…who has been in the business for over 40 years. One evening, after watching a movie with a friend, and they were leaving my home, they pointed out some strange lights in the sky. It was late about 1 am. I decided, what the heck, never shot a UFO photo, and got out my big surfing lens (a Nikon 800mm f/5.6 and added a 2x tele-extender and used a very heavy duty tripod) and took about 10-20 photos. The film was Fuji Velvia 35mm transparency, exposure was about f/8-f/11 for about 15 seconds. It was very clear that night, no clouds or haze at all. I have my own film processor so I pushed processed the film to a speed of about ISO or ASA 200+. I got two really good photos, this is a slide duplicate and digitized file of one of them. The bright light is not the moon. It was shot looking southwest from the north ground position, roughly far above the center of Oahu. As far as I could tell (it's really hard shooting the sky at night) the objects were at least a mile or two up in the atmosphere…I would say the objects were about as big as a 747? There were blinking multi-colored lights on their perimeters, and you could clearly see the outline of the craft thru the lens. This was the second series of photos over about a 1/2 hour period. The first series revealed only one object, triangular shaped, with pastel lights on each tip…During the second series of exposures about 20 minutes later there appeared to be two 'craft' and that is the photo I submitted. There appeared to be a super bright beam that connected the two craft for about a minute. Please be aware that the film was grainy and because it was 'pushed' (the only way I could get a decent exposure)… At this point I will have to tell you that I thought about calling the local news, but I am a fairly private person and didn't want the publicity. I was able to call Art Bell's show several weeks later when I think he was interviewing Peter Davenport… --Bill Romerhaus

All via Coasttocoastam

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Picture of the day

I haven't had a picture of the day in a while, so I was reading this stupid ass piece about how you shouldn't save beached whales. Instead you should just kill them, when I saw this picture.Which instantly reminded me of Taiwan 2004, where this happened.
And then I remembered this video of trying to blow up a whale. Boom goes the dynamite!

Where the fuck is the warm weather?

Seriously people, I'm tried of this cold weather bull shit. I know its still March, but it the end of March and I am sick and tried of seeing my breath every morning. A co-worker of mine just got back from Antarctica and he said it was warmer there, than it is here. That doesn't make sense, even if it is the end of the summer in the South Pole, its still the dam ass South freaking Pole! Someone told me that it is nice outside today, but I think that was just a clever rouse. Not only does this cold weather blow goats, but I am sick and tried of paying for my heat. Heat is fucking expensive. And I could use this money that I'm paying for warm air on important things, such as: bling, bitches, or beer. Mostly a combination of the three.

So Mother Nature, you dirty cunt. Please enough of this fucking winter.


Monday, March 23, 2009

Monday links

  • New refurbished moon mining picture. Moon Views
  • Strange animal spotted in Pennsylvania. Lancaster Online
  • Police sting takes new meaning. Dallas News
  • Headline of the day: Dwarf saved by Chihuahua. Daily Telegraph
  • We now live in a society where you can go to jail for feeding the homeless. Sad day for America. WFTV
  • More Protest in Tibet. Telegraph
  • Alligator wandering the mean streets of Conneticut. 1010wins
  • Dumbass robs Chinese restaurant while cops dined. The Boston Channel
  • Beware of naked 14 year olds with large poodles. Chron
  • Project Runway model assaults fiance with her pussy. Celebrity Buzz

Has it come to this!

Its Monday, and I am happy for that. I had lots of fun planned for this weekend, and it all blew up in my face. So pretty much I did really nothing. Except of course you count eating unhealthy food, which I did plenty of. So I had that fatty feeling going into today, need to get back into the normal swing of this. And this is why I am glad it Monday.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Women's fashion that I don't get

I love women. But sometimes some of their fashion trends boggle my mind. Here are some examples.
Rubber boots: Ok, wheres the flood? Seriously wheres the flood? Every chick that lives in a climate that gets more than 2 inches of rain a year has a pair of these obnoxious boots. Yes, they may keep the rain out, but you look like a tool wearing them. Save these shit show shoes for when you basement floods.

Large Belly Button Rings: I should state that I like belly buttons rings, except the ones with something dangling. What the fuck are chicks thinking? Why do you need something protruding from your naval like the creature from alien.
I could see if this provided a valuable function like keeping lint out of there, but it doesn't. It just there to try and redirect attention to your stomach instead of your ugly face. Keep it simple ladies.

Multiple Ear Piercing: Once again I like chicks with ear rings, but I think there should be a limit of 2 piercing per ear. What the freak is wrong with some chicks? Do they aspire to look like they came out of the jungle. Whats the next big fashion trend rings around the neck?Unless the chick is goth or emo, chicks shouldn't have more than two things in one ear.

Tattoos: My honest opinion is that chicks shouldn't have any tattoos. Women are just beautiful the way they are and don't need graffiti all over them. But its OK to have a small tat or two. However, any chick with a tramp stamp (AKA ass antlers) or anything around their vag is a whore. No if's, and's, or but's about it. When I see a chick with a tramp stamp I try and get on that shit because she is easy. And when I am downtown and notice that a chick has a tat next to her pussy I wrap my shit up immediately. Because both of these are the mark of the whore. Ladies, please do not get tattoos in these areas if you are not a whore. Because I will stereotype you no matter what.

Flip flops in the work place: There is totally a double standard when it comes to flip flop wearing. Chicks can totally get away with wearing flip flops to work, guys can not. So I don't want to hear how your feet hurt because you are wearing some shoe that you paid too much for and can only be worn with that dress. I wear shoes that I don't want to wear everyday to work, so deal with it. I am.

MLB predictions

Today is the first day for spring, and nothing says spring more than baseball so here are my 2009 MLB predictions.


  1. Red Sox: The Red Sox are awesome if you don't like the Red Sox go eat a bag of dicks
  2. Rays: They killed Steve Irwin so they can go fuck themselves.
  3. Yankees: They have Gay-Rod, nuff said.
  4. Orioles: There owner is a Douchebag.
  5. Blue Jays: This is baseball not hockey

  1. White Sox: At least they have Sox in their name.
  2. Twins: When I think of twins I think of boobs, so they're cool.
  3. Indians:Cliff Lee ain't saving your ass this year.
  4. Royals: There always fucking losing, I can relate.
  5. Tigers: Can wait to see what young pitcher they will destroy this year. Cocksuckers.

  1. A's: Every one on the team except Nomar has bad hygiene, this works in my book.
  2. Angels: How many times can these nut jugglers lose to the Red Sox in the playoffs.
  3. Texas: Call back when you get some pitching
  4. Seattle: There worse than a crusty vagina
  1. Braves: Manager was born same time the dinosaurs became extinct.
  2. Mets: Can't wait to see these losers blow it in the last week of the season
  3. Phillies: Get over yourselves, you ain't winning this shit this year.
  4. Nationals: Why aren't they called the DC Nationals?
  5. Florida: I can count their fans on one hand.

  1. Cardinals: Poo-Holes is really all anybody needs.
  2. Cubs: Perennial losers
  3. Reds: How bout some fucking pitching?
  4. Brewers: Hey at least they have the sausage races.
  5. Pirates: Somalia pirates have a better chance at the world series.
  6. Astros: Is anything in Texas beside the women that is good?

  1. Dimondbacks: They suck balls, but they will will the division.
  2. Dodgers: Manny is going to bend you over.
  3. Giants: Hey the good news is that you won't blow as much as you did last year.
  4. Rockies: Fans should only go to the games for the Coors Light.
  5. Padres: There is about as good as week old throw up on your carpet.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Guys and sheep

Videos that have sheep herders who have too much free time usually end up on some bestiality site. But not this video. These old farts have have way to much fucking free time. Its a pretty cool video. It must be pretty boring in Wales where they live.

I would say that this is the coolest thing I have seen all day but that would be a lie. It would be this poor kid with really bad ache that had zits on his forehead that spell out A-R-S-E.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Donuts in space

I have been tied up most of the day and really haven't been able to investigate this donut sighting as much as I would have liked to, but this is an interesting video. And fucking Lost is on tonight so I will be watching that shit. This was video taped yesterday and shown on NASA TV from the space shuttle mission STS119. The camera angle is from the shuttles loading dock boot camera. The cross hairs are there to line up to connect to the space station. The object appears very close, I would say that it is probably not as large as it appears to be.

There is something buzzing the discovery up there, because on Monday a Russian astronaut on board reported seeing a cloud like object.

Every time a shuttle goes to space there are always things buzzing around. I do a whole blog just investigating each STS mission. It is truly remarkable how many different objects are flying around just outside of our planet. Just check out STS75

Donut shaped objects seem to be very common in our immediate outer orbit. NASA will always claim that its space junk or ice particles. I but personally I prefer swamp gas.

Somebody buy an R

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


I was really hoping for a good leprechaun story today, but leprechaun's aren't really in the news that often. Last time I saw them mentioned was back in August around Lake Tahoe. There is still the Leprechaun watch on this site. Which is nothing more than a web cam stuck in the middle of a meadow.

I guess you can chalk up the belief of leprechaun in the same boat as the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus.

But at least this gives me a chance to repost one of the best youtube videos of all time. This is what happens when a leprechaun gets spotted in the middle of the ghetto.

St. Pat's day links

  • Its takes 23 hours and 45 minutes for a female to get ready to go somewhere. Daily Express
  • Bus driver gets ready for clubbing season. UPI
  • Women robs store then walks across the street to order a pizza. WTSP
  • Pigeon with bagel stuck on its head. Mail Online
  • Real terrorist are upping their attacks. UK Guardian
  • Borat joins the Alabama National Guard. Breitbart
  • American Idol is rigged. Daily News
  • Mugshot of the day. Thesmokinggun

Nothing says St. Patricks Day like wearing a Lakers shirt

Is this the worst idea in the history of marketing? You can buy the shirt for $19.99 (marked down from 25.99) and the hat for 15.99 (originally 19.99) from the NBA store. What a better way to show your love for the Lakers than to wear Celtics green with a shamrock on the sleeve.
I can only imagine that the only people that bought this shirt was Celtics fans that thought it was funny.

The people that came up with this idea are probably the same people that own the parking garage outside the Staples Center. Which if you don't know is called Shamrock Parking.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Viva Brazil

One of my roommates leaves for Brazil today for two weeks. However, I am still having doubts if he is actually going or not. I think he doesn't have a visa yet or is waiting for it. In typical roommate fashion he half assed his trip. I'm pretty sure when I come home today he will be sitting on the couch instead of on a plane.

Shit fight

Even tough guys shit themselves. Anyone that eats a lot of Mexican food knows that sometimes when you try and fart afterwards that there is a chance of some bonus time. You know those farts that you just underestimate. You think its a small to medium size fart but when you squeeze it out its actually a turd napalm. A small control explosion of anal burning squirt.

The napalm usually follows a facial expression that can best be describe as somewhere in the middle between seeing a ghost and accidentally catching your parents in the middle of doggy style.

I really think this is why dudes started to underwear in the first place. As a first layer of defense against the squirt. It happens to everyone. The best advice is just to go on like it didn't happen, like the guy in video. Just play dumb, and say it was already there.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Swamp gas is looking for burgers again

Colorado rancher blames aliens for cattle mutilations

LAS ANIMAS - A rancher in southern Colorado has an out of this world theory for what killed one of his cows.

"We have other life out there and I think that's what it is," Mike Duran said.

Duran says he's noticed strange lights flying overhead and he believes aliens may be to blame for mutilating one of his cows.

"Like a round circle in the air," Duran said. "I've watched them and then they just disappear."

His ranch is near the town of Weston, which is about 20 miles west of Trinidad.

Duran says his cow was found dead with her udders and reproductive organs missing. He says there were no tracks near the body.

The cow was last seen alive on Friday and found dead on Sunday.

He believes aliens abducted the cow, carved it up and dropped it back by the river.

Duran claims the same thing happened in the same field in 1995.

"It's just a shock that it's happened again," he said.

He's reported both incidents to the Las Animas County Sheriff's Office, but investigators have not been able to solve either case.

"It's one of those unsolved mysteries, I guess," he said.

That fucking swamp gas. Why won't it leave the poor cattle alone?

Colorado seems to be the hot bed for cattle mutilations. They happen all over, pretty much any part of the world with a large cattle population has seen mutilations. There so common that I am surprise this story even made the press. But I think it was the whole "aliens did it" thing that made it a little different from the usually story.

There are only two possible outcomes on what is happening two these cows. Either the government is conducting some secret testing on cows during the cover of night, or it is a giant cloud of swamp gas.

The garbage that we get fed on why this stuff is happening is just ridiculous. In every case someone always blames scavenger animals. However, in every case this is no footprints leading to the carcass. Only certain body parts are removed such as: sexual organs, eyes, ears, tongues, blood, and soft organs. Everything else is left in tact. And the removal of these parts can only be described as done with laser precision. If these were scavenger animals then it would look like the animal was torn apart, which is not the case. Also around many of these carcass high amounts of radiation have been found in the soil. So much radiation that grass won't even grow, or if the animal has been there for a while real scavenger animals won't even touch it.

So the big question is why cows? And the answer is obvious, cow blood and human blood are incredibly similar. So similar that if there was ever a great shortage of human blood, cow blood would be as a replacement. So it makes you want to think, why does someone or something need human blood?

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Joaquin Phoenix jumps into crowd during concert ands starts a fight

OK, I just don't get this whole Joaquin Phoenix crap. The only role I ever thought he was good in was the bad guy in Gladiator. But I'll give credit where credit is due, he's got this rap shit down pat. Everyone saw is David Letterman appearance where he had that "I'm fucked in the head" shit working for him. Which pretty much banned him from anymore live TV appearances. I just wish he came out drinking some Crunk Juice. Which would have added a nice touch. Now he has this video that just came out of him attacking a fan during a rap show. What rapper hasn't jumped in the crowd to beat up a fan, besides Will Smith? If he is trying to do a stunt with this shit or is just going through a mid life crisis he is at least making headlines.

Day Four

This is now day four with no hot water. On Monday I was rudely informed of this information, and now on Thursday the situation still has not been rectified. I'm hoping when I go home today I will have hot water. They are suppose to fix it today, but you never know. Not having hot water isn't the end of the world. I have actually gone quite well without it. My hygiene is still pretty good, well maybe just average because I have scored some showers at work, but I am just not as fresh as I should be. I think the biggest obstacle is the dishes. I ain't cleaning dishes by hand and we are overflowing with dirty dishes now. I think we have one clean fork left, and someone better not use that because I need it for dinner tonight. So there are much worse things in life, I honestly think I could go about 2 weeks without hot water before it drove me nuts.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Hello Japan

Fight Club

Fight club' Probed At Home For The Mentally Handicapped

CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas (AP) -- Seven employees at a state-run home for the mentally disabled have been suspended for allegedly staging a "fight club" among residents.

Corpus Christi Police Captain Tim Wilson says the fight clubs were uncovered when someone gave an off-duty police officer a cell phone containing videos of fights at the Corpus Christi State School.

Wilson says the videos show mentally disabled adult clients punching, shoving, and striking each other while the employees watch.

Wilson calls the abuse "appalling." He says police expect to file charges against several employees by the end of the week.

The school opened in 1970 and is home to about 360 people, according to the Web site of the state Department of Aging and Disability Services.

First off, Fight Club is one of my favorite movies of all time. It pisses me off every time I see it on TV my cable box says its only a two star flick. That's bull shit! The movie rocks.

Now its quite obvious in the story above that someone broke the first rule of fight club. But that's what you get when you let retards into the fight club. And in retards, I mean the guys working the fight club. Because the mentally handicap love to fight. That is why they are born with retard strength. They are like superheros, but don't know it.

But I'm just wondering how involved these guys that work there were about this. Did they bet on the fights? Did they train them? Did the participate in random violent attacks like in the movie? My guess is that two of the residents just got into a fight and the people there were just egging them along. I really don't believe that there was a handicap fight club. However, this would make a great sequel to Fight Club.

This is why your fat

So in my non-stop hatred towards fat people I found this great website called This is why your fat. Its a very simple site with pictures of just over the top gross foods. The only thing I actually thought might be a good idea was the chocolate dipped bacon.

Everything else is just ridiculous. Its not like I am a crazy heath nut or anything, just sometimes its good to eat a salad.

Here are five items on the site that made me cringe. In no particular order. And all from their website.

Bacon Beeritos

“Secret meat,” rice, beans, bacon and All-Malt Porter mixed together. Bake with Porter-marinated bacon then wrap in Porter-soaked tortillas and additional Porter-marinated bacon strips. Finally, dip in beer-batter and deep fry.

Anything with "secret meat" and ends in itos is not a combination that my stomach wants to tackle.

Bacon And Fudge Danish Breakfast Sandwich

I like bacon, danish pastries, breakfast sandwiches, and sometimes fudge. But not at one time. Fudge should not be part of anyones breakfast.

The Kannbial

Three meat patties, one beef sausage, one ham sausage paddy, one fried egg and sliced ham covered in minced beef sandwiched in an over-sized bun.

Oh, is this food. It looks likes a whore's vagina on the rag.


Does someone really need bacon flavored mayonnaise?

Bacon Cheese Pizza Burger

Giant burger between two large meat pizzas, eggs, bacon, and pepper jack cheese.

They jumped the shark with the eggs. I don't even see them and I don't think that is a good thing. This is beyond ridiculous how do you even attempt to eat this. I farted just typing this.

I would like to see CHG Food blog try and make one of these dishes. Apparently all she eats is McDonalds. So she may want to start off with the McGangBang. Which just sounds hilarious.

Or the Big Mac with Chicken and Cheese.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Link time

War on Terror is a fucking joke

FBI investigates firebombing of UCLA researcher's car

Los Angeles Times---The FBI is looking into the firebombing of a vehicle owned by a UCLA neuroscientist who was targeted by an anti-animal research group for using primates in his study of psychiatric disorders. The March 7 incident involving a homemade incendiary device took place outside the faculty member's home and caused no injuries, according to FBI spokeswoman Laura Eimiller. The UCLA professor, who researches treatments for schizophrenia, drug addiction and other disorders, was not identified.

How many times do I have read another terrorism story that takes place on either US or UK soil before it makes front page news? The answer is its not going to happen. Back in 2001 President Bush said the United States is taking a stiff stance to terrorist all around the world. We send troops all around the world to fight people that have nothing to do with terrorism, and its the only thing that the media covers. But when someone starts firebombing the United States nobody cares. Domestic terrorism is increasing at an outrageous rate.

Farm Futures---The Arlington, Va.-based Animal Agriculture Alliance reports that during 2008, attacks on the global food chain from animal rights and environmental extremists jumped 42% - from 155 in 2007 to 220 last year. Much of the increase came from the Animal Liberation Front. Those attacks exploded 377%. Information compiled by the Alliance indicated there were 640 acts of sabotage, vandalism and arson in 2008, up from 467 the previous year.

Maybe if these terrorist started wearing turbans and yelled Durka Durka Durka Mohammed Jihad, someone would take notice.

What it comes down to it is that 9/11 was created by the US Government to insight fear into its population. The Cold War was over, and people had too many rights as citizens. The government is suppose to be here to protect us. What if there is nothing to protect us from? Why do we need such a huge military budget? How can we monitor the US population if there is no threat. People began to start questioning the government. So the US government created terrorist as a ploy to bring back fear to its population. And it worked. But oh no, looks like we actually have real life terrorist groups working inside the United States. But lets not let the media outlets cover them, because there not part of the axis of evil. Whats it going to take? Maybe next time they will firebomb a classroom filled with students.

God dam!

From swimsuit competition glamour to parish pulpit clamor

Boston.com--- On a recent Sunday morning, 30-year-old Nicole Lamarche, a former Miss California, stood before a crowd in a simple clapboard church next to a local watering hole. She wore high-heeled boots, her thin figure draped in a black robe.

"I feel so lucky to be your pastor," she proclaimed.

Lamarche became minister of Cotuit Federated Church two years ago, shaking up its stodgy routine and causing quite a stir in this quiet Cape Cod village of about 2,600 year-round residents.

She says four parishioners defected early on, after people Googled her name and discovered her beauty pageant past, but these days residents credit Lamarche with injecting new dynamism into the town and the church.

Lamarche says she understands that for some the "pastor in a swimsuit thing" is hard to swallow, but she simply needed the money. Loyal members of her congregation accept her explanation, buoying her spirits. Plus, says Lamarche, "If you can walk on a stage in your swimsuit, you can do anything."

After a service earlier this year, the congregation gathered for coffee, fruit salad, and cookies in an adjoining reception room, chattering with each other and the pastor who was once Miss Desert Vista.

This is exactly what the church needs to get people start going again, beauty pageant winners. I may even think about going to church if there is a sexy pastor giving a sermon. Especially if she preaches by screaming "oh God, oh God". I betcha that since she has moved to that church there are a lot more men going to church on Sunday's. And they probably all sit up front and pay attention. Why has it taken this long for a hot chick to start preaching? This would make church so more popular. No one really wants to look at old men ever.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Picture of the day: Light Pollution

I am always bitching about light pollution. And people always look at me funny when I complain. Most people haven't even heard of such a thing. These are the same people that complain about "global warming" during a blizzard in the middle of winter. I can see how people will just brush off light pollution as a load of crap, but I take it very seriously. I enjoy looking at stars at night. It is one of my favorite things to do. But since I live in the city I never ever get to see stars. How weird is that. They are there evening but yet I can't see them. One of the draw backs in being a city slicker.

Two headed girl

I'm confused, is this two girls or one? If you had sex with her/ them does that count as a threesome? And since she/them are only 16 is that one or two counts for statutory rape?

How's your Monday?

Well, my week started off with a bang!

First, it is cold and rainy outside. It finally turned to snow after I got to work. I rather have snow, then rain, because I hate rain. And this is on the heals of back-to-back 60 degree days.

Second I have no hot water. My hot water water heater broke.

How do I know my hot water heater broke? Because when I woke up this morning there was a old man that greeted me in my kitchen this morning while I was only wearing my boxers. And this old gentleman was my neighbor who at the time was informing me that my water heater was leaking into his bedroom. Who let him in? Oh, he let himself in because my roommate has issue with the whole key into lock and then turn technology. Apparently he can not figure how modern locks work. He thinks slamming the door hard enough the locking mechanism in the door turn. This has never worked in the past, but he continues to try.

So lets recap. Its raining and snowing, I have no hot water, and a old guy broke into my place to greet me in my underwear to inform me that I have no hot water. Awesome

Friday, March 6, 2009

Friday Link City

  • How do you get a octopus out of a box? Click Orlando
  • What! Iamthelucky.blogspot.com isn't on the list? ABC News
  • People that believe in God don't see their own errors. Science Daily
  • The secret on why musicians are douchebags. Mail Online
  • Speaking of douche. How many can you fit into a club. New York Post
  • Mac Gs got the story of the day. Mac Gs
  • Is health care a right or a privilege? The Raw Story

Celtics vs Cavs tonight

Man, when is KG coming back. We could use him tonight. But here is him giving fashion tips.

Ghost rocking horse

This video is from my ATS buddy. This is a family video that dates back to 1992. The video was lost for a little while and they finally put it digital format. This rocking horse was bought at a garage sale by the kid's grandmother. The family kept hearing the rocking horse rock back and forth late at night. In an attempt to try and catch their son on the horse then set up a camera. This is what they caught on the camera.

Friday picture of the day

I'll hit that!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Link dump

  • This is a shitty superhero. Daily Herald
  • Guess what happened to the guy that tried to rob a gun store. Breaking News
  • Weddings are expensive, how expensive ask the groom. Ananova
  • Guy steals klondike bar, then offers to pay $69 to not go to jail. You think that's the story, nope! Guys name is Dick Cram. TC Palm
  • When throwing bricks at neighbors cat make sure you don't hit a police officer instead. Evening Courier
  • Speed 3 meets Snakes on the Plane. ABC News
  • Barbies now have tattoos. And it took her this long to finally get a tramp stamp. Daily Stab

The lottery

So a few days ago I was wondering why only old people win the lottery. And what do you know, a old person wins the lottery. Yahoo---Bob Space, 60, of Toms River, N.J., holds up the $216 million winning Mega Millions lottery ticket during a news conference at Chubb Insurance Company in Whitehouse Station, N.J., Wednesday, March 4, 2009. Space and nine co-workers at Chubb will share the jackpot

And something else about the lottery winners. Why is it mostly a group of people working in some factory somewhere always win in a group? The more I look into the lottery the more I think its fishy.

But now the complete opposite of everything that I had ever thought about the lottery.

Boy wins rights to tropical island in lottery

TAIPEI (Reuters) - A 4-year-old boy has won the use of an uninhabited tropical island, with white sand beaches and clear turquoise waters, in a Taiwan lottery aimed at boosting spending during an economic downturn.

Officials said Yeh Chien-wei, who won the prize at Thursday's draw, will get exclusive rights to the tiny plot in the Taiwan Strait from May through September.

Penghu County, an offshore archipelago, will provide food, drinks, water and electricity to the boy. He has been quoted in local media saying he wants to play in the sea.

You know shit must really suck in Taipei when one of the winnings in the lottery is electricity. But even though I thought only old farts win the lottery how in the hell does a four year win it? So my new conclusion on the lottery is that no one in their prime of their life wins the lottery. Life would be too simple then.

Are these pranks real?

I saw this yesterday and didn't know what to think about it. Then I was watching Around the Horn last night on ESPN and they brought up the Maryland prank. So I guess they are real.

Here is the first one.

And the retaliation.

I think I like the basketball one better.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Lebron James silent but deadly

I don't get this whole African American name thing

One thing I don't get about living in American is how its politically incorrect it is to call a black person a black person. Watching any news or pretty much anything with a black person they are called an African American. I have some issues with the term African American. White people are called white people. When was the last time you were watching the news and they were describing a person and they called a white person a Caucasian. Doesn't happen often, or at all. But, when describing a black person they have to refer to him as a African American, because if they don't people will take offense. I just don't see what the big deal is?

So lets look at the country of Africa. Its a freaking big place. So lets say that a person of Egyptian decent came to America a couple of hundreds of years ago. His original roots were from Africa, but now he is an American. Could he be called an African American? No, because he is not black, he is brown. He would get ostracized from the black community. Same thing goes if a white person that lived in South Africa all his life and then moved his family to the US. He was an African and now he is an American. But no way can you call him a African American.

So pretty much I have assumed that African American=black colored skin. Even though you could have African descents and be an American and not black. I just don't understand why we just can't call black people, black people. You never hear white people getting offended when they get called white instead of Caucasian. Black, white, brown, yellow, green, blue whatever they are just adjectives to describe a person. If I am out at a bar I will say "hey look at that blond over there". Its not like I will say "hey look at that Anglo-Saxon female over there". It just sounds stupid. And I guess this is getting to my point. When will we be able to drop the African American term? I think its term that is just being kept around to remind us that black people's ancestors were once slaves. Its time to evolve. Slavery happened a long freaking time ago, all the participants are not remotely around today. I'll admit there is still a lot of racist people out there. But most of these people are old or just plain ignorant. And who really listens to the old and ignorant now-a-days.

At some point I wish we could get rid of the term African American completely, and just be Americans that have white, black, brown, or whatever on the outside. Is this too much to ask? Maybe I don't travel to much, but I am update on current events. I have never heard the terms Afro-Europeans, Afro-French, Afro-Germans, African-Italians, Afro-Latino, and for god sake defiantly not Afro-Irish. These are all real terms, but in their respective countries they are just called black what evers.

Our new President is label as African American. But his mom was white, doesn't that make him Caucasian too? I don't know? But you will never hear him referred as a Caucasian, only as a African American. I hope that one day everyone sees everyone as just humans. Only defining them with simple adjectives like black, white, short, hairy, or smelly. But unfortunately for this to happen we will need to go through a drastic event that would jeopardize all of humanity. And then, and only then will people will realize that all humans are brothers and sisters.

I hope this didn't come off as a racist posts. I love all people EXCEPT fat people. Especially fat Americans. The world would be better off with fewer fat people. The earth would spin faster, and my work day would be shorter.
Bonus: fat person stuck in ditch video.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Picture of the day

Yes, that is attached to his eyelids.

theLucky answers

So a new thing I wanted around here was to answer some people's questions. Where else but to answer people's question than on Yahoo Answers.

If you never seen it before, people submit a question any then people answer it. Sounds simple, right. Since I am filled with such great knowledge I might as well use it for the good of society. So I'll try and do one a day. After a quick scan I found this question.

What do you do if you have the runs and feel like your going to throwup?

my family has gotten sick and now i have it but they threwup so much until they were dehydrated and its been half the day and i still havent got sick and as i menchened i have had the runs atleast 3 times today What DO I DO?

theLucky's response: Bro, you need to get some good *** reading material. Set up camp in the shitter. Bring in some gatorade (because your dehydrated), maybe some snacks, and those reading materials. Just sit on the throne and let it all come out.

If you can get a TV close to the bathroom even better.

Go to the store get some nice soft toilet paper. Becareful of the names of the brands of TP. Sometimes you will get a brand like Angel Snow toilet paper that should be called Blooded Hemorroids, because its like sand paper. Do a squeeze test on the TP before buying.

Also since your toilet is going to get destroyed get some of that blue water **** for the toilet. This will make it harder to actually see whats coming out of your ***, which is probably nothing good. Get one of the toiler brushes to, because splatter may go everywhere.

Make sure you avoid places like Taco Bell, unless your into the runs. Sometimes in the beginning on the month when I get all my magazines subscriptions I just eat nothing but Taco Bell because I have to do all that reading. Its up to you. Best of luck

The actual question link.

Da Links

  • Monkey kicks women into 6ft hole. Who knew monkeys could kick? China Daily
  • Animal right terrorist plot foiled by guy dressed in beagle suit. Times Online
  • Square root day. Dorks! Pentagraph
  • Working women are the cause of the global economic disaster. Irish Times
  • Cat bong. MSNBC
  • Common sense story of the day. Airlines lose less luggage. Duh! People are flying less and don't want to pay check baggage fees. Chicago Tribune
  • Sniffing glue or incest. Hmmm tough call. Daily Mail
  • Snow porn. Don Chavez

Boy is preforming miracles, ya right!

A BOY of nine is being hailed as a “Messiah” after allegedly performing miracle healings.

The Sun---Villagers claim Mohammad Ponari has cured raging fevers and debilitating illnesses — and even made a mute boy talk again.

At least 5,000 pilgrims a day now flock to be treated with Mohammad’s tonic — made by dipping a “magic stone” in water.

But Muslim leaders in Indonesia want to shut his “clinic” after four people died in a stampede.

The lad is said to have discovered his gift after he was hit by lightning.

He became convinced that an egg-shaped stone he found next to him had healing powers.

Police chief Sutikno told how he saw Mohammad cure the mute boy in Balongsari, East Java, saying: “Ponari shook him and they started fighting, then he began to talk.”

I love stories like this. This just proves that people are fucking nuts. Especially Muslims. Even if I was dying of AIDS I would not let this kid's sticky fingers touch me. Look at the kid, I betcha he still eats his own boogers.

The only thing that would make this story better was if the kid was an albino. Just so it can be even more like the movie Powder.

But hey, I do think its a good thing that people still believe in miracles. Because it gives people hope. I believe in miracles. Like me winning tonight's $212 million MegaMillions jackpot. But I have a theory about large jackpot winners. Once it gets over 200 mil, only old people win it. I can't explain this. Its like a twisted form of karma. Here is buckets over money, but you only have 7-10 years to spend it. Karma blows.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Picture of the day: A Pink Dolphin

Telegraph---These are the stunning pictures of a rare pink bottlenose dolphin spotted swimming in a Louisiana lake.

The mammal was pictured by local charter boat captain Erik Rue, who has been studying the dolphin since it first surfaced in Lake Calcasieu, an inland saltwater estuary, north of the Gulf of Mexico in Southwestern USA.

Since it was spotted with its pod of normal coloured dolphins last year the animal has been wowing visitors on the lake.

Capt Rue, 42, originally saw the dolphin, which also has reddish eyes, swimming with a pod of four other dolphins, with one appearing to be its mother which never left its side.

This is pretty cool never seen a pink animal before. How bad will it suck if this dolphin is a male.

Monday Morning Patriots Quarterbacking

So the Pats traded Matt Cassel over the weekend, and threw in Mike Varbel as well. Some like myself were asking why didn't they more? Its apparent that they just wanted the cap space.

Boston.com---The Saturday trade that shipped Cassel and Vrabel to Kansas City for a second-round pick (No. 34 overall) allowed the Patriots to clear Cassel's $14.65 million franchise tag fee off the books and $3.3 million of Vrabel's scheduled $4.3 million cap hit in 2009.Lending further credence to the idea that the trade was done in part with an eye toward clearing cap space is the fact that the Lions offered the first pick of the second round (No. 33 overall) straight up for Cassel, according to an NFL source.
I guess I agree with Bilichick on this one. Mike Varbel needed to go. He was bad for the last season and a half. He just couldn't cover tight ends or running backs out of the back field, and he just wasn't getting the pressure on the quarterback that we were use to be seeing. So I agree he was just taking up valuable cap room.

Now what I don't understand is this.
The Patriots, who were believed to have entered yesterday with somewhere in the neighborhood of $15-$16 million in cap room, wasted no time spending some of that money, re-signing safety James Sanders, arguably the team's highest-profile free agent once Cassel was franchised.

James Sanders, the highest profile free agent? Did I read this right. The human turnstile. The guy that I says plays wearing lawn spikes. The reincarnation of Lawyer Malloy (old version). If that is our big resigning with the cap space, then I think Bill may be losing it. How about resigning Vince Wilfolk. That will get my panties in a bunch.

Good luck to Cassel, come back after you marry a Brazilian supermodel.