Thursday, July 24, 2008

Am I a douchebag?

This is a internal battle that I struggle with a lot. There is nothing I hate more than douchebags. They are worse than criminals, people who like America Idol, the US government, and the NY Yankees. But most NY Yankees fans are douchebags so it works out well. Why do I hate them so much? Because they deprive America of its greatest resource. Hot Chicks.

I think I may have some douche traits, which puts me on the fence or not if I am becoming one. I put product in my hair. Not the kind you buy in the supermarket, but the kind you only find in salons. I look good without a shirt on, so if a opportunity pops up. I lose the shirt. I tend to dance with chicks. I can't not stress this enough, only with chicks. And I tend to find myself drawn to really hot and crazy chicks.

Is this all bad? I am not sure? I do think I have enough goofiness still left inside me to fight through this. Sort-of like being bite by a ware wolf. I am not howling at the moon yet, but noticing hair is growing where it shouldn't.

Fortunately I found this list of 69 ways to tell if your a douchebag. And I think I can safely say that I am not a douchebag. Some may disagree. But here are some of my favorites from the list.

  • 2.) You Refuse To Wear T-Shirts Since They Are "Un-Collar-Poppable"
  • 9.) You Think Dane Cook Is God
  • 12.) You Order Salad As An Entree
  • 14.) You Start Fights Over The Best Brand Of Whey Protein
  • 19.) You Mooch Off Your Parents And Still Treat Them Like Crap
  • 22.) You Prominently Display Condoms In Your Room
  • 26.) You Refer To Your Myspace Page As "Pimped Out"
  • 31.) You've Ever Worn Just A Wife Beater Anywhere
  • 34.) You've Ever Complimented Another Guy On How Ripped His "Pecs Look"
  • 36.) You've Ever Purchased Pre-Ripped Jeans Solely Because You Love The Pre-Ripped Look
  • 40.) You've Ever Taken A Picture Of Yourself Shirtless For The Purpose Of Distributing It On The Internet (my favorite one)
  • 50.) You Check Out Your "Guns" In The Reflection Of Parked Car Windows
  • 51.) The Name Of Your Car Is Pasted Across The Windshield
  • 59.) You Have Pictures Of Muscular Guys In Your Room And Justify It By Saying, "Yo dude, it's just for motivation, bro," And No One Questions You Because You're Being Completely Honest
  • 68.) You Always Do The Hand-Shake-Hug Even With People Who You Probably Shouldn't
After reading this list I think my roommate displays many of these qualities.

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