Tuesday, June 9, 2009

There are way too many useless studies done by academia insitutions

I saw this in Cosmopolitian. And why do I read Cosmo? Because I can.

Beer goggles are a myth!

Cosmo---In a groundbreaking discovery, scientists have found that there's not such thing as "beer goggles" (they were taking a break from finding a cure for cancer, you see). In fact, alcohol actually has the opposite effect, and makes men see women as less attractive. Researchers asked 240 men and women (half of whom had consumed alcohol, to varying effects) to rate photos of women on their attractiveness, and to try to guess their ages. While women found it more difficult to guess the ages of the women in the photos when inebriated, men did not.

Dr Vincent Egan, from the University of Leicester, said: "This study suggests that alcohol consumption and make-up use do not interfere with how old we perceive someone to be.

"Another interesting finding was that overall participants who drank alcohol actually rated all the women in the photos as less attractive, compared to the participants who hadn't drunk alcohol. This seemingly flies in the face of the commonly held notion of 'beer goggles'."

The lesson? Don't get tanked - you'll find that guy at the bar a lot more enticing.

This makes no fucking sense. Anyone who had ever drank if their life knows what beer goggles are. And there fucking real.

I would love to see how Dr. Vincent Egan proposed this study for grant money. Something along the lines of getting people drunk and see if they hump ugly people.

I think everyday I read about some useless study that some professor does at some school that is absolutely useless. What possibly benefits do useless studies have to society? For awhile I thought they provide none.

But I figure some that douche will need to do a study on everything. If something hasn't been done before, then someone will do it. That is just the nature of useless studies.

If your going to wasting money, might as well do it scientifically. Because what else would colleges be spending money on, education?

Here are some useless studies that I would like to see done.

  • The study on why fat people move so slowly, unless there is a open seat on the train, in which they turn instantly into a gazelle.
  • The study on how many dingleberries a adult male produces in a year.
  • The study on how some vegetarian's are fat.
  • The study on why there are still Americans that don't believe 9/11 was a inside job. (really this boggles my mind)
  • The study on why girls say one thing, but actually mean something else.
  • The study on why I hate fat people.
  • The study on where socks go when you wash your clothes.
  • The study on why nut jobs continue to think corn chips, stains in windows, poo stains on the floor, and other shit are actually imagines of Jesus.
So these are a couple useless studies that I would like to see done. I figure that stupid studies will always get done, so instead of always bitching about them. Might as well throw my ideas out there, and hope one of my studies get a paper written.

No comments: