The MBTA

So I haven't owned a car for the last few years, and through out that time I use the MBTA as my main form of transportation. I usually stick to the red and green lines, but I travel on all of them at some point or another. Here are some quick observations I have made being a "T" rider.

My favorite conductor quotes:
“This train has been re-routed.” This means that your fucked. Your on a train going to a place where you want to go, and instead your going to some far off place. That will probably require a couple of different trains to get you to where you want to be.

“This train will be standing by for two minutes.” This usually means that the train in front of you broke down in the middle of the track. If this happens at a stop, they leave the doors open so that 2 million people can squeeze into each train. However, its funny watching people run to the train, because they think its about to leave.

“Step all the way into the back of the train, people." This means that people on idiots and don't know how to properly board a train. Get in and go to the middle. Or some douche is holding the door open.

Classifying MBTA riders:
Pole riders: These are the people that refuse to move away from a pole. There could be 1000 people waiting to get on to a empty train, and these people will not budge from letting go of the pole. Everyone will have to bump into them, because they are not letting go.

Middle seat grabbers: Proper riding protocol dictates that if there is three available seats you do not sit in the middle one. This will allow another person to sit in the other seat with a one seat buffer between both of you. These are the lowest form of T riders.

Paranoid jumpers: These are the people that are sitting down and stand up before the train comes to a full stop. Usually results in them going herky jerky when the train does stop. Look when the door opens get up and leave the train. You are not going to miss your stop.

Oncoming traffic jerks: These douches try and go against the grain and board trains when everyone is trying to get off. It is OK to elbow these people in the stomach.

Cleavage girl: These are women that wear outfits where their sweater puppies are busting out. On packed trains it is almost impossible not to stare. Specially if you are sitting down and I am directly over you. Do not give me that look of disgust when I am caught staring. I wasn't the one that dressed you in the morning.

MBTA employees:
MBTA police: The highlight for these guys is when they do random bag checks. Other wise I have never seen them do anything else but direct traffic in front of the Charles St T stop.

MBTA worker: Even since they got rid of the token seller, I have no idea what these people do. I think they just stand there and drink Dunkin Donuts. I have been kicking a Charlie Pass machine because it would not sell me my ticket, and they wouldn't even ask if I needed assistance. I am kicking the fucking machine, maybe that is normal to them.

MBTA train drivers: Don't know too much about these folk. Occasionally you can get a peak through the curtain and watch them drive. Seems like a boring job.